Derik Badman's Journal

2021-02-05 10:12

Long tiring stressful week, mostly due to ongoing work issues in the realm of performance and scale and me continuing to have to reach new levels of skill/knowledge in areas of work I don't like dealing with. Ongoing fantasies of quitting that never get past a general frustration and... despair... I feel too much responsibility that I never wanted and didn't ask for. I'd be so much more happy just doing front end UI work, but instead I have all these other things to do that are more... risky... obscure... harder to deal with. Took a sick day today as I've not been sleeping well or feeling that great for a few days. Mostly stress I expect.

Went out for a walk yesterday for the first time in... more than a week I think. Was good to get out a bit even if it's cold and snow covered everywhere.

Still reading and enjoying JR despite its denseness. Reading Gaddis, you always have to be looking for clues, subtle actions that are easy to miss, references to other characters or events, threads that tie characters together. I occasionally wish for a dramatis personae so when I see a name I can check back to confirm who they are or if they've shown up already. Feeling shades of The Recognitions in a few of the characters, ways of speaking that tie a character in JR to one in the previous.

Searching for something comforting and episodic to watch yesterday morning I turned to Star Trek: Deep Space 9 for the... fifth? fourth? time. Didn't even finish the first episode, but it's easy to just watch in fragments since I know what will happen.